Harare, where you wear your bad driving like a cro...

Harare, where you wear your bad driving like a crown

Arthur Choga

A recent conversation went thus:

Mutare-based man: “I live in Mutare and I cannot drive in Harare. When I come over here, I leave my car at a relative’s place in Ruwa and I catch a lift into town, do my business and catch another lift back to Ruwa to get my car and drive home.

Harare-based man: “Hahahaha, you have to be sharp to drive in Harare. If you are not from here, you will not survive. Harare is for the fast, for the brave…” He went on and on with his self-praise, celebrating multiple violations of the Highway Code as a virtue and a sign that he was “a person from town”.

It was sad. It was true. It is a reality we all face, and sometimes perpetrate.

It brought to mind a famous line from Captain Barbosa in the Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl movie.

“The code is more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules,” he says.

Harare drivers certainly act like they have all watched that part of the film and live by it. Here are a few picks from this morning. Just this morning.

Red means stop.

It does not mean, inch forward slowly into the intersection. It does not mean proceed with absolutely no caution. It means stop. It does not mean that if you hunch down in your seat and peep furtively over your steering wheel as you drive through the red light nobody can see you. We can all see you. You are driving a big red SUV with personalised plates. We can see you clearly. If you are ever at Eastlea Shops along Samora Machel and you intend to turn into Samora Machel from the shops - there is a famous bottle store, there - please be very careful. Drivers going into town regularly blast through the red light with reckless abandon, and because you are coming from the direction of a famous bottle store, you are likely to be labelled as the one to blame. “Hoooo, he was coming from Penny…something something. I am sure he had had a few…” And yet it is 7am and the good people who run the bottle store have not even arrived yet.

Traffic can be orderly.

It is quite possible for traffic to move smoothly, even when there are many cars along the road. Chiremba Road can be a nightmare but as it passes the former Makro, there is subtle change. Drivers fall into line and traffic actually moves. Why? Because a single police officer stands on the edge of the road that people have turned into a third lane and points at offenders, who skip back into line like little kids in kindergarten.

We try things in traffic. Like little kids. Pushing the boundaries and hoping we get away with it. Often we don’t. We end up delayed, hurt and out of pocket in repairs for our own and other people’s vehicles. Worst case scenarios, we could end up paying for and attending funerals of strangers.

Africa’s most literate cannot read colours

The Highway Code, that once-revered book that set people off on their journey to the driver’s seat, clearly spells out the meanings of the different light signals that constitute a traffic light or, as we call it here, a robot. I am not sure what the guardians of that Code make of the creative interpretations of the rules of the road as preached by Harare drivers. Driving against oncoming traffic… No problem. Drivers do this and flash their lights at the holders of the right of way to get out of the way.

Stay in your lane

“Stay in your lane” is a saying that means you should keep to what you do best and not stray into areas where you are not supposed to. Road markings have always served a purpose. In Harare, they serve no purpose at all. Drivers jay-drive across lanes like it was child’s play.

One time I went to Bulawayo, and at a traffic stop I was tempted to try some “Harare driving. Everyone in the intersection stopped, and waved me through. The looks of horror on their faces humbled me. I realised I had allowed our streets to turn me into a monster.

Endangering your passengers and other road users is not a flex.

Drivers have a duty to protect themselves, their passengers and other road users.

There is no glory in risking lives just to be the first past an intersection.

Appointments can be adjusted. Working hours should really be rethought given the traffic mess. Why do we all need to be at the office at 8 o’clock? Is there a compelling reason that makes it impossible for someone to start working at 6am or 10am and finish at a time when there is no congestion?

Do all jobs require physical presence?

I am just trying to help Harare’s drivers get clearer passage to town, and endanger fewer people. Perhaps, with an open road before them, they can relax a little, and breathe.