Of Holy Ten and Winky G….and law school

Robert Mukondiwa

The year is 1966. The world is being bowled over by what is known as Beatlemania. (World here refers to the west who constitute the international community all by themselves).

But in essence the British lads from Liverpool who are known as The Beatles and are causing Beatlemania, the rush of blood to the head by listening to their music are indeed world stars and even in Africa their fame is raging.

They are famous and they look like they will last forever.

They also know controversy sells so they are a controversial bunch, John, Paul, George and Ringo. You can almost smell the testosterone coming from their youthful pants from a furlong away. Nobody thinks this will end.

And then as they are being interviewed one of them-John Lennon in fact- says “we’re more popular than Jesus now. I don’t know which will go first; rock ‘n roll or Christianity.”

He was right. They were popular at the time. Perhaps in some places more than Christianity. And he had a right to say whatever he said. It was fine. After all they said in the media that John Lennon would cover his eyes on a yacht to shield the sun then spot where controversy was, then he would sail towards it because that is what he liked-controversy.

So, he was well within his rights. Except, that was a stupid thing to say. How far one goes with controversy can be a measure of their bravery to court attention, but sometimes we breach, foolishly, the incredibly thin line between sanity and foolishness.

But again, to be foolish is a right fully protected by the constitution. It is not illegal to say some foolish things but the question could be whether it is worth it.

The Beatles went on tour to America the same year and their albums were burnt along the Christian extremist fundamentalist Bible belt. Kupisa ma records avo imagine. Americans were that mad.

After that the Beatles didn’t like touring again and went on a downward spiral. Just three years later, the biggest group in music history then had disbanded and broke up in 1970. That statement is credited for largely being the howler that brought down the dream run.

But there is a difference. Winky D is not Jesus Christ or God. Damn he’s not even the Hoy Spirit. In fact, it is the other guy who claims to be holy. The bravest Winky has ever been Biblically is comparing himself to Adam and some pretty white chick who sings vernacular and created the word IMAJENI being his Eve. He in fact takes the name of the first male sinner ever in recorded Biblical history since Lucifer is not entirely male per se.

So because we have debunked Winky’s divinity then that means he can be subject to criticism. And Holy Ten was within his right to criticise him. The problem in Zimbabwe is how in politics, business, music, religion, we have created little gods that cannot be criticised and if you do the small indeed brainwashed inadequate sycophants come for you.

Sometimes they even give themselves the names of the people they worship and say we shall defend this human to the hilt. A human like you, who cries and farts and makes mistakes and is imperfect. But Zimbabweans have built golden calves out of these humans saying touch not this guy or we are this person’s tribe and so on and so forth.

The sad thing being with every passing day our choice of golden calves gets more and more ridiculous. When you hear the golden calves speak you wonder if they have a brain, some can barely construct sentences. Yet there are massive hordes that defend these gods on social media and can bite one’s head off if they criticise.

Often, in order to bring your own IQ level down to the level of these ‘gods’ and ‘mbingas’ and artistes etc, you have to bang your head against a brick wall for an entire day. If you are very lucky, by day end you are as stupid as these elevated beings.

But the story is about Holy Ten and Winky D. So yes, there is nothing wrong with criticising Winky D as Holy Ten did. Strangely the outrage seems to be about WHO Holy Ten spoke about when the real problem is about WHAT he said.

Surely there was a better example to give that mention of serpents longer than Winky D’s dreadlocks and Winky being the serpent in the Biblical story of the fall of man. It is the choice of words when making a reference that stands between a well taken intelligent jibe, wit and jest an absolute howler and faux pas.

For me, in my own opinion, Holy Ten made a fumble and howler in his chosen example. He could have put across his same message using other words and they would have gotten it. We can be educated but we will never have a monopoly over wisdom or even our chosen trade. Which is why John Milton, played by Al Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate reminds us that ‘there are more law students in law school than there are lawyers walking the street,’ It simply means we can learn a trade and graduate, but that doesn’t automatically mean we are proficient in it or will go on to practice.

Some of us studied media and saw were no good and found other little holes to burrow in and try our luck.

The implications are that definitely, I can bet my bottom dollar we will not see a Winky and Holy Ten collaboration in the foreseeable future. Another truth is that there are many big names locally and regionally and perhaps also internationally who will not touch him with a pole if they were considering collaborating with him. Discreetness and tact in communicating a misgiving is clearly something that he doesn’t have. Sometime you want to help someone and the end result is a mess so perhaps why help at all right?

However, there is a reason why they call him Mujaya. He is after all young. And not all hope is lost. In fact, let me use an age-appropriate proverb to deal with this situation. We should not throw away the baby with the bath water (see what I did there? Heh? You see?) We can still salvage the little that can be rehabilitated and build from it.

The answer is and has always been publicists for our established and rising stars. Either that or shut up. We need to groom our stars if we want them to navigate the treacherous waters of public media.

In fact sometimes I used to cheat when doing pre interviews and in fact coach my subjects on appropriate things to say in order to build them. At one time Jah Prayzah’s son had done a track I thought was a scorcher and his dad obliged to have him come to the studio for a sit down with me. It is because some mean adults had started wanting to compare Muku with Herman and create some animosity between kids imagine! Instead of grow them!

Anyway, I calmed his nerves and spoke at length with him to make sure he had all the best language and spoke articulately. It was one of the most informative and building interviews I encountered. So, publicists are important. A management team must know that. You even research the person interviewing so you know their traits and biases. That’s why Oscar and Ollah’s interview was two insane people talking but made sense. Because they are both journalists and have mastered this criminal activity masquerading as a profession.

Anyway, this had been too much ink. What am I saying in short? Winky D and anyone is fair game for fair criticism and comment. No one is a god. Which is why Winky D is zii like Mai Mujuru when people were calling her names. Another lesson is being careful what analogies one uses and the implications of one’s words. And that publicists are important (you know, people like me!)

Finally, we have also learnt that Winky D has special powers. He has been Adam. Now he’s the snake. Hell, tomorrow he may just wake up as Eve, but for the meantime Holy Ten is the current Eve and Gemma has to find another name!