Zim mermaids will snuff you up

Flipping through the TV channels can be a task, especially when all you see is sex, murder and power struggles. And that’s just National Geographic!

It’s the entertainment channels that make things interesting, and show how our national mindset differs from other nations.

One needs to go no further than the issue of mermaids to illustrate this.

Our national fascination with all things mermaid-ly runs quite deep, these days.

In Shona they are called njuzu, and even though we were told in primary school that the plural of njuzu is njuzu, we now have “Manjuzu” though that is probably because there are now so many of them they demand a whole new grammatical construction.

Back to the TV. Watching the movie Aquaman shows how other cultures look to their own super powered marine thingies. Aquaman, a movie based on a comic book about a half-human, half Atlantean being who becomes the king of the underwater world.

Atlantis is believed to be the city under the sea and the movie gets by on this premise quite well. Aquaman, who goes by Arthur because he is born on land to a human and the queen of Atlantis, then decides to go to his mother’s home and the action ensues in earnest. The adulterous nature of the titular Aquaman’s conception is couched in terms such as “finding true love” since his mother was fleeing an arranged marriage.

The 2018 movie based on these characters grossed over USD1 billion at the box office and was one of the biggest movies of that year. The movie also features Ms Amber Heard, most recently seen in court with her former partner Johnny Depp, himself no stranger to mermaids and other fantastical marine life and such on the highly successful Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

Aquaman possesses superhuman strength, durability, and has the ability to manipulate hydrokinesis, the tides, communicate with sea creatures and swim at supersonic speeds. In short, he is a supernjuzu.

We move on. The Little Mermaid is a popular cartoon that has spawned billions in merchandising and retail attachments. It is largely based on an 1837 Danish fairy tale written by the well known storyteller Hans Christian Andersen. It tells the story of a teenage mermaid princess named Ariel, who dreams of becoming human and falls in love with a human prince named Eric, which leads her to make a magic deal with the sea witch, Ursula, to become human and be with him.

The most common thing about these mermaids is that the stories have been spun into billion-dollar marketing machines that have generated fame and fortune for the actors, writers and producers of these products.

Which brings us back home. The local mermaid story is spoken in hushed tones and is loaded with mysteries.

Traditionally, the njuzu were believed to inhabit specific pools and rivers and these places were sacred. The tradition goes that njuzu possess superpowers (see how these stories merge) and every once in a while, they emerge and take someone with them to pass on these powers. The person would disappear, sometimes for years. Relatives would not be allowed to mourn the person until they returned. When they returned they would be loaded with amazing powers to heal, to foretell the future and to generally be superhuman.

These days, we hear of people seeking manjuzu powers and gaining them. But they definitely do not look like they possess a single whiff of sacred or super powers.

The common outward sign of possessing manjuzu powers is the snuff taking that increasing numbers of young people are doing. Snuff is powdered tobacco, taken by sniffing up the nostrils like some powders we will not mention in this family publication. It can also be taken orally, like other things we will also not mention in this family publication.

The story goes that when one joins this movement (nobody goes underwater for days anymore, it is all done on dry land, so no malume skills to show here. Plus, I suspect the merchants of this magic would rather not have so much powder, foundation and eyebrow liner bubbling around their ponds, so dry land it is. Once they receive their power, the manjuzu get powers to attract money and people.

The sad thing about all this, is the story goes that the money you then make from this ritual is only to be spent on you. So, you slay, you dress up, you drive hot cars, but you cannot make any other use of it. You cannot get a head with it. (Hauite musoro nayo).

The only people who seem to have figured out a way of making a killing off these mermaids are the prophets. There are now books, conferences and goodness only knows what else that talk about “marine spirits” and how the author of said books is the only one who can get rid of them, or manage them, for a fee, of course.

They are quick to spot an opening, these prophets. Get your mind out of the gutter, this is not National Geographic.

So, once again, it seems we are losing out on things that the West is making a killing out of. All we have to show is killer pics on WhatsApp status and fancy tins of snuff. No respectable and viable industry that the taxman can zero to develop the country.

Aquaman, come get your people.